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July 6, 2007
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Ode to the Fast Food Industry which thinks of nothing but…

I, quite sincere, would like to thank not the fire department, not the police department, nor the mailman for facing rain, sleet, and snow but the selfless, vigilant effort of the fast food services. Kindly they prepare food in several proportional sizes: tiny, dwarf, and small—an appreciated effort to help America watch just how much it eats. This paired with thoughtful pricing allows the consumer to decide if overeating is worth the money spent.
Then, of course much to the regret of the fast food industry, they can’t manage to serve us even faster due to their employee to costumer ratio. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon  to figure that five employees: one to the window, one cashier, two cooks, and one oddball can’t handle a crowd of twelve people and a long line at the drive-thru. These probably take care to make sure that every fry is crispy, every shake shaked, and every hamburger evenly microwaved. Instead of the waiting, hungry consumer complaining about the service, he or she should marvel at the skill needed of the sixteen-year-old cashier to know how many ways he can give sixty-two cents in change—they just don’t teach you that in school. What’s a fifteen minute wait, it’s still fast food! No five star restaurant wouldn’t have their patrons wait anything less than twenty minutes.
Will we forget all the good for mere mistakes, Channel Six news reports or even the account of your own Dear Aunt Sally? So a rat was found in a burger or a “human finger” found in a bowl of chili—lies of bored critics that swear fast food is the end of us all. Just because I broke the scale yesterday does not mean it was my fifth Big’N’Tasty that did it. In fact, I stand here today to reward not to criticize dedicating a stamp in honor of them as well as a button any employee would proudly wear, both sporting the slogan “We love our job!” ( I thought the guy choking on the burger was a nice touch). Truly the industry has made the words “fast food” mean something that we feel deep down in our gut. So let’s thank our fast food providers, and not cruelly write in the suggestion box that they shouldn’t hire someone just because they can work the hours, “stop putting cheese on my burger,” “give the manager position to someone older,” “those kids made fun of my hat” and “don’t leave a bunch of high school brats in charge.” Where’s our heart? The evidence is there to see that these make the world go round, I can’t see myself nor anyone else last a week without waiting twenty-five minutes at the drive thru for a shake that’s chocolate instead of vanilla.
Ignore the pic it's midnight now and i just did that in 45 secs...
This was for a AP Eglish assignment-- to make a satire modeled after Swift's "Modest Proposal"
I have had plently of bad experiences with fast food places so I jumped on the chance to have some revenge....:evillaugh:
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:iconquyoncha:
quyoncha Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009
i had to write a sarcastic essay after reading "a modest proposal" too, same topic as yours. that's so funny xD
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I do remember how much fun i had reading it as well as writing it for class. How did yours turn out. Is it on DA?
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:iconskearns:
skearns Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007   Writer
Only in Britain can you order a Super-sized Big Mac, extra large fries and a Diet Coke.
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
why's that?
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:iconskearns:
skearns Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007   Writer
I see you're not one for spotting irony.
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
well one cant be sure without voice inflection
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:iconskearns:
skearns Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2007   Writer
That's be enforcing it. I like to see irony in the actual statement, rather than pronunciation.
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:iconapsalas:
Apsalas Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2007
Very apt. I cannot go to McD's without having to go back into the place, to get my order fixed.
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:iconnivek535:
nivek535 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007
i only looked at the pic. LOLXD.
anyways. 45 seconds and i can already tell wat it is :) XDD
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks but read the writing that's the most important part
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