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July 6, 2007
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Ode to the Fast Food Industry which thinks of nothing but…

I, quite sincere, would like to thank not the fire department, not the police department, nor the mailman for facing rain, sleet, and snow but the selfless, vigilant effort of the fast food services. Kindly they prepare food in several proportional sizes: tiny, dwarf, and small—an appreciated effort to help America watch just how much it eats. This paired with thoughtful pricing allows the consumer to decide if overeating is worth the money spent.
Then, of course much to the regret of the fast food industry, they can’t manage to serve us even faster due to their employee to costumer ratio. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon  to figure that five employees: one to the window, one cashier, two cooks, and one oddball can’t handle a crowd of twelve people and a long line at the drive-thru. These probably take care to make sure that every fry is crispy, every shake shaked, and every hamburger evenly microwaved. Instead of the waiting, hungry consumer complaining about the service, he or she should marvel at the skill needed of the sixteen-year-old cashier to know how many ways he can give sixty-two cents in change—they just don’t teach you that in school. What’s a fifteen minute wait, it’s still fast food! No five star restaurant wouldn’t have their patrons wait anything less than twenty minutes.
Will we forget all the good for mere mistakes, Channel Six news reports or even the account of your own Dear Aunt Sally? So a rat was found in a burger or a “human finger” found in a bowl of chili—lies of bored critics that swear fast food is the end of us all. Just because I broke the scale yesterday does not mean it was my fifth Big’N’Tasty that did it. In fact, I stand here today to reward not to criticize dedicating a stamp in honor of them as well as a button any employee would proudly wear, both sporting the slogan “We love our job!” ( I thought the guy choking on the burger was a nice touch). Truly the industry has made the words “fast food” mean something that we feel deep down in our gut. So let’s thank our fast food providers, and not cruelly write in the suggestion box that they shouldn’t hire someone just because they can work the hours, “stop putting cheese on my burger,” “give the manager position to someone older,” “those kids made fun of my hat” and “don’t leave a bunch of high school brats in charge.” Where’s our heart? The evidence is there to see that these make the world go round, I can’t see myself nor anyone else last a week without waiting twenty-five minutes at the drive thru for a shake that’s chocolate instead of vanilla.
Ignore the pic it's midnight now and i just did that in 45 secs...
This was for a AP Eglish assignment-- to make a satire modeled after Swift's "Modest Proposal"
I have had plently of bad experiences with fast food places so I jumped on the chance to have some revenge....:evillaugh:
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:iconquyoncha:
quyoncha Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2009
i had to write a sarcastic essay after reading "a modest proposal" too, same topic as yours. that's so funny xD
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I do remember how much fun i had reading it as well as writing it for class. How did yours turn out. Is it on DA?
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:iconskearns:
skearns Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007   Writer
Only in Britain can you order a Super-sized Big Mac, extra large fries and a Diet Coke.
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
why's that?
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:iconskearns:
skearns Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007   Writer
I see you're not one for spotting irony.
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
well one cant be sure without voice inflection
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:iconskearns:
skearns Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2007   Writer
That's be enforcing it. I like to see irony in the actual statement, rather than pronunciation.
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:iconapsalas:
Apsalas Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2007
Very apt. I cannot go to McD's without having to go back into the place, to get my order fixed.
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:iconnivek535:
nivek535 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007
i only looked at the pic. LOLXD.
anyways. 45 seconds and i can already tell wat it is :) XDD
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks but read the writing that's the most important part
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:iconnivek535:
nivek535 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2007
T.T....
oki read it.. lol xD
so ur complaining about the ppl that complain about the services of ffrs?? lol.
complaining about a5 minute wait are just waaaaaaaaaay too immature =________=.
lol. lk cmon so few ppl workin in a fast food rest. ( i never knew that actually o.o. looked more like 1bajillion, LOL ) doing so much work-_-. id like to see them do a better job. heheheh.
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Actually i'm making fun of the fast food industry about their neglecting their customers and worrying more abuot money....
A satire is sarcastic writing so when i'm conngratulating the fast food places in the writing for a job well done i'm really saying they aren't because they aren't doing that great of a job. Some people hired in some fast food places don't care; and the food made if you even had looked in the back of the counter isn't so well made as you think. Orders are mixed up, things are found in the food, and at times i think it's a great conspiracy when you think when some ppl take a long trip and can't make their own food and can't afford a sit down meal at the time their stuck with eating fast food and taking a service that they don't deserve....

i guess my sarcasm was hard to hear?
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:iconnivek535:
nivek535 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2007
HEY THATS NOT COOL D=.
u suck:(.........
akemi is NOT cool D=.............


"i guess my sarcasm was hard to hear?"
my english = lvl -10000 =D
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:iconakemi-ayura:
Akemi-Ayura Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
i'm serious i've bee told i'm a bad writer THAT wasn't my sarcasm... this is

ooooooh what does this button do?
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